What does it mean to let go?

Letting go means to no longer hold onto feelings that don’t feel good or are depressing or negative thoughts that keep you in a dark place, leaving you miserable and generally alone. It means that you no longer need to rely on old coping methods, like staying angry or living in a constant state of bitterness and feeling betrayed.

You don’t have to forgive what was done to you. Any type of abuse is unwarranted. What happened to you was horrible, unfair, and just plain wrong. No one deserved that. When you let go, when you forgive yourself for not speaking up, not knowing what to do, not stopping it sooner because of false hopes, when you forgive yourself—all your fears that hold you back, which keep you from finding meaning and fulfillment in your life, will start to dissolve.

When we let go, we can learn to trust again, one of the hardest challenges for an abuse survivor because being vulnerable makes us feel like victims all over again. That’s why we learn to set boundaries by speaking up and saying No to poor treatment. Our new boundaries will only let in the people and situations we truly desire.

Your wants and desires may be anchored by darkness, but seeing the truth helps connect them to the light. Awareness and Self-Expression lead to letting go and moving forward on your healing path, moving toward the life you want.

Let go of fear, and you will unleash your inner power, wisdom, and truth. Let go of fear, and you will find unconditional love of the highest order—love for yourself, where all healing begins.

“Forgiveness doesn’t mean you condone the behavior or, in any way, make a wrong into a right. It simply means that you give yourself permission to release from your past. It’s accepting that it has happened to you—not accepting that it was okay—but that it has happened. It’s not wishing that it could have been any other way.”

—Oprah Winfrey

Maybe I didn’t like the word “forgiveness,” because when I was told I had to forgive, it felt like I was saying, “What you did to me was okay, and if you do it again, I’ll forgive you.” Nope. I did that for decades, and it never felt good. It never felt right. But by knowing that the people who abused me were also products of abuse, I can more easily forgive through understanding. It doesn’t mean what they did was okay, but understanding frees me from yet another shackle of abuse.”

—Carole Avila